Update time.

I will try to post an update once a month. If I can remember! So to help, I stole this from a fellow blogger. Thanks for sharing.



How far along: 8 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: I have actually lost a few pounds thanks to m/s!

How much does baby weigh: I have no idea

Maternity clothes: Nothing but a bella band and maybe some big girl underpants since my smaller ones really are starting to hurt and restrict my belly bloat

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: I am up twice a night to pee but I have been going to bed very early

Best moment this week: Hmm lets see, learning how to hold my vomit long enough to make it to the bathroom at work instead of throwing up on my own shoes again.

Movement: None besides gas bubbles

Food cravings: Spicy asian lettuce wraps

Belly button in or out: Obviously still an innie

What I miss: Sweet Tea and sleeping on my stomach, If I roll over on it, I barf (yes I have vomitted on my pillow, not fun in the middle of the night)

What I'm looking forward to: Everything, all the m/s, the gas. the bloat, the fatigue you name it!! It all means that I am pregnant! I will take it all happily.

Milestone: Making it to 8 weeks, which in the past was my failure point.

My Miracle is in the works finally!!

Well, I didnt want to get too attached to the idea that we were going to have a baby. Everytime we made it to our ultrasound date there was never a heart beat and that was the end of it.

So going into today's appointment I couldnt even look at the ultrasound screen. Tim was sitting there looking at the wall holding his breath but then the tech turned up the volume and we could hear the heartbeat. I instantly starting crying like a little girl, Tim leaned over and looked at the screen in awe that He couldnt believe what we were hearing and seeing! I looked over and saw our baby!! The heart flickering so quickly and I measured exactly 7w2d as my chart suggested. The doctor said that was a great sign of things progessing beautifully. There were no signs of clots in the placenta or yolk sac as in other lost pregnancies. The doctor feels that this is going to be the one! I have to continue all of my medication just to be safe but other than that, nothing special.

We feel so truly blessed!!

Thank you...

First I wanted to say thank you to all of you ladies. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for all your well wishes and comments. Tim and I are truly blessed.

We had our first appointment today because I will be monitored very closely. My 14dpo Beta was 111 which the doc says is great. I had another beta and progesterone done today at 15dpo but wont get the results until monday. I started my progesterone injections today, I may not have to stay on them but my Doc wanted to start just in case until my blood work comes back. He said either way you cant have too much progesterone right now. He decided to increase my Synthroid from 125 to 137mcg because he wants my thyroid a little higher active to reduce risk of miscarriage, Also staying on the metformin through at least the first tri because that also reduces risk of miscarriage.

Our first U/s is April 17th!! We are so excited I cant wait. My next one will be May 15th and then again June 19th. I have the first tri all scheduled. In July or August I will have to have a NTS or NST (whichever its called) and if everything is okay then I wont need another u/s until its time to check weight etc towards the end of my pregnancy.

My husband and I are finally let it sink in now that we saw the beta in writting and its really happening!!

Thank you for all the support! I couldnt have made it through all this without all of you!

HOLY SHIIITTT!!!!

I freaking got my BFP yesterday I am in so much shock its insane!! I cant believe it. I mean I just posted how I KNOW that this cycle was a bust and I was out of the game. LOOK wow, I am at a loss for words. My husband seriously has some great swimmers to last as long as they did!!

We are in shock, thats all I can say!! I had my Beta done today at work. I will get that back tomorrow! I have my first OB appointment tomorrow to start my progesterone supplements. I dont think it will seem real until I see that Beta in my hand!!







I will post more tomorrow after my appointment, right now I am speechless!!

TTC sucks!

Ughh I missed my O this month thanks to a broken heel. It sucks, I hate that there is no chance for this cycle. Next cycle my husband has to go away to a Best of the Best competition for the Army. He won his portion so he has orders to go and he can not miss it. Well, normally I would go with him but its Spring break week here and half my office is going to be out so I have to be at work. He is going the week that I am due to O. Which sucks so it means I have to wait to TTC again until MAY!!!!!!!!! That sucks!! But May I think would give us a february baby which is my birthday month, my mom and dads Bday month too! So I still am optimistic. I just hate waiting! I am so anxious to see what happens!

Oh well, at least I dont have to feel the pressure of the 2ww.

The Season of Change

WOW Where do I begin!! This was my first Full cycle on all my new IF treatments and I have seen so many changes that I am excited about.

I had a FULL day of EWCM, I rarely EVER have more than a spot of it. My last LP was a whole 4 and a half days longer than it has ever been! I have been having mid cycle spotting right around O... I also had a HUGELY positive OPK yesterday!! These are all exciting things for me because I have had such a tough time with all of these things.

I am so excited and so optimistic about all these changes. Even though I know that I will not get my BFP this month due to poor timing (long story)..I know that it may just happen this year!! I am determined to have a 2010 baby!!

So on to the bad timing...I broke my heel (no, not my shoe but my actual heel of my foot)..The doc says its a stress fracture but I cant put any pressure or weight on my heal for 6 weeks. Which means I am in a huge boot ughhh....Which means last night when I had my OPK, we did not have the opportunity to get it on! Thanks to the foot and the doc and the long journey home since there is no point staying away when I cant do anything fun!

However, I will chalk this cycle up to practice for an amazing cycle next month that awaits me!

Still trucking along!!

Well I am just heading into my very first Ovulation cycle with the full dose of all my meds. I am still trying to get used to such a high dose of Metformin but otherwise I am doing okay.

As far as all the new thyroid meds go, I have noticed that I am not coming home from work and taking a nap everyday like I used to, so I guess it is working much better than previously. I am excited to see what this cycle brings.

Just the couple weeks that I had been the on the new medications, I had a noted 4 and a half day increase in my LP, which is so freaking amazing because I RARELY hit 11 days. So to get AF on the night of LP day 14 going into 15 was amazing!! Its a great sign of things to come.

I still want to be a little guarded about getting my hopes up however I cant help but feel optimistic somehow. Dh is just going with the flow because he loves me but also is at the point where if it just doesnt happen then he is content with a life of just the two of us.

Well for this week, its been nice. I have only had patients two days this week so that I can get my charting and pathology done before the AAD.

I cant wait to have time alone with my husband!!! Stress free time.

back in the saddle

Well I am in the 2 week wait again but really not waiting because we didnt ttc this month. Well we did have "unprotected sex" but not with the intention of getting pregnant. I am on my new meds, I am just starting the 3rd week of it so I am waiting for AF to show in order for us to re-start the whole ttc thing again for a few short months. I am giving it a time frame because I am tired of all the false hopes and disappointment.

Its funny that its the 2WW because really for me its a 10 day wait. MY Luteal phase is short so I almost always get AF by 10DPO. I am on day 5 now so I should have AF by friday so we are officially on our new start saturday.

The good thing, I wont have my period for my friends wedding because that would really suck, in a light colored dress worrying about it.

So, heres to AF showing up early so I can get it over with and start a new cycle.

Wish me luck, I hope it really happens for us. If not then we will just settle into our life as just the two of us, since we now know that we wont be having children whether it be biological or adopted.

Ahh what a weekend so far

Well Tim and I had to replace my computer this weekend which really sucks because I hate spending money. I would prefer to save it for our future child. But nonetheless I love it, its cute, its thin and its pink!! Which pink is pimp in my eyes, its my fav color.

We went to California Dreaming for dinner tonight for my birthday date night since we are both working on Monday when its my actual birthday and I dont want to work all day and then go out at night, I just want to chill at home and cook a nice meal for the 2 of us.

Thank god, last week something in my head told me to store all of my 1000s of photos from my old computer onto a flashdrive. I would have lost them all if I didnt. I suck at digi pics, I always just upload them to my computer and then leave them there.

So tomorrow, I am cooking our "sunday" dinner and we are going to chill at home and do a little rearranging of furniture. I like relaxing weekends.

I cant believe I am going to be 32 on Monday and I am still not pregnant. Oh well, I have my health right??

decisions decisions decisions.

Tim and I are throughly enjoying our ceasing of the TTC business. For the first time in almost a decade I am relaxed and content with the way things are going in our life. We are "dating", enjoying each others company, just hanging out and doing nothing but love each other. There is no longer this intense need to have sex all the time in an effort to make a baby. Instead we actually have not had sex since before christmas and ya know what??? we actually don't mind it.

I could just lay with my husband and kiss him for hours. I enjoy just rebonding with each other, seeking out the origional reason we got married. To spend our lives together, we married each other because we as a couple did not want to live apart. I mean a baby would have been an amazing addition but that is not the reason we got married, it is just an added bonus. So instead of focusing our marriage around babies, we are refocusing our marriage around us, the central unit.

The stress is off our shoulders, things dont seem so forced anymore. After the pregnancy losses we have had in the past, its good for us to remember the good times we had before all of this started. No more heartache (it still hurts to have lost a child but the daily torture of Am I Pregnant? is gone)..

Just when things seem to be progressing and our family turning a positive corner, I get thrown a wrench into the middle again. My new doctor thinks they have unmasked my fertility issues. A simple diagnosis coupled with my horrible thyroid problems could be fixed and quickly. My thyroid was damaged from all the medications and radiation I was given years back. So I had to have it radiated in order to stop all of the symptoms I was getting from it. So I am forced to take daily medication (like many others in this world) to supplement my thyroid. Here I thought it was as simple as that.

When your thyroid level is higher than 1.5 to 2 it lowers considerably the ability for an embryo to attach to your uterus. My levels are 6.47 and that is on medication. So they have changed my meds because I need to have them adjusted often in order to fight off weight gain and fatigue.

Now add that with the fact that they think I am insulin resistant which can cease ovulation or at least the ovulation of viable eggs. So today, I had another test to see if that is the case. I failed my fasting glucose test last week so I had to have a 2 hour glucose tolerance test today (torture). If I fail this test then they will add Actos to the metformin that I used to take (was given to help ovulation in the past during IF treatments). So I will have to go back on Metformin plus Actos this time. I will find out the results tomorrow for that.

So the decision is, do I restart all of this ttc drama in my life or just say FUCK IT and go on with our plans to adopt someday. My husband wants to try to have a biological child if the new RE is optimistic that with the proper treatments, I can actually get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy this time (thanks to my trusty aspirin a day for clotting, the diagnosis for the fatal demise of previous pregnancies).

I dont know if emotionally I can go through all of this again. Its going to be hard but I dont want to regret in the future all of the what ifs , if I dont try. So I made me decision. I will take the meds for one month. If my body is doing okay on them all then I will continue with the medication and use the if I happens, It happens method for 3 months. If I do not get pregnant then I will go back to charting cm, charting Sex, charting CP etc to gauge when I am ovulating and the probability of pregnancy. Right now I just temp because I like to see the temp drop to know when AF is showing, so that there are no surprises in my life. I dont look for cross hairs, If I get them, I do not analyze them. If at the end of 6 months, I am not pregnant then I am done trying. I am going to be 32 next week and I need to come to the realization that it has not happened yet after all these years, its not going to happen and just move on.

I really just dont want to jump into all these false hopes and fantasies only to be slammed back to reality at the end of 6 months. My husband wants to try and I do want to get pregnant but I am being realistic about it, but for my husband I think he deserves this one last chance at it considering he has been through everything with me and never ever faltered in his support of me.

So wish me luck.