She is here!!!

She was born Tuesday 11/10/09 at 5:26am. She was 6lbs 11 ozs and 19.5 inches long.

After being admitted to the hospital 4 times in one month for pre-eclampsia and pregnancy induced hypertension, my docs decided it was safest to induce me early. By the time I got to the hospital, I was upgraded to eclampsia so I was allowed a few hours to try and labor before I would end up in a csection. Luckily for me, I had a very fast labor and delivery.


I will post a birth story when I have some time because right now she is in whats called a bili-bed. She has pretty significant jaundice but it was to be expected because she was so early. Otherwise, she is a picture of perfect health.

34 weeks

Well, so much has gone in the past month since I last updated. First, our little girl is perfect, growing well so far seemingly healthy as far as nst's and ultrasounds can show.

I have been admitted twice for Pregnancy Induced Hypertension which sucks but what can I do. I am now on strict bedrest until she is born. I have no idea how I am going to make it much longer. I want her to stay in as long as humanly possible to ensure her health but my god I am so glad only a few more weeks to go. They threatened me with induction or csection two weeks in a row, so I am so glad that she has been allowed to stay in and cook some more

Tim is gone but with everything that has been going on healthy wise they changed his return date from 12-12 to 11-25 and now hopefully 11-20. His command is trying to make sure he is home for the birth or as soon as possible afterwards.

How far along: 34week and 4 days

Total weight gain: I haven't gained anything yet. I was in need of losing some weight before I got pregnant so as long as she is growing I am okay with it.

How much does baby weigh: As of the 16th of October she was around 6 pounds estimated.

Maternity clothes: Full on maternity but my pants are getting too tight in the belly. Since I am on bedrest, I hang in tank tops and boxers or big cotton dresses

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: nearly impossible. I just can not get comfortable.

Best moment this week: Hearing her on Nst, laughing at everytime they put the band around my belly she would flip out and move so much they couldnt keep her on the monitor unless the nurse held the thing by hand without the band.

Movement: I joke and say she is ADHD like her dad because she never stays still.

Food cravings: Carrots and dip, hummus and pretzels...Just about anything I can dip

Belly button in or out: Its pretty much flat.

What I miss: Being able to walk around or sleep

What I'm looking forward to: Finally meeting my daughter and hopefully my husband making it for her birth.

Milestone: Keeping her in for another week! I am trying to take it day by day

30 weeks!!

How far along: 30 weeks and 2 days

Total weight gain: I haven't gained anything yet. I was in need of losing some weight before I got pregnant so as long as she is growing I am okay with it.

How much does baby weigh: As of today she is 4 pounds and 9 ounces.

Maternity clothes: I am full on into maternity clothes, I have quite the bump going on. I was fluffy before getting PG so I am sure that has something to do with it.

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: nearly impossible. I just can not get comfortable.

Best moment this week: Seeing her again, she absolutely has her daddy's nose. It is so obvious in her u/s pictures its amazing.

Movement: Its like she is kungfu fighting in there

Food cravings: Rootbeer, thats about it really.

Belly button in or out: Its pretty much flat.

What I miss: Not getting exhausted just walking through the market

What I'm looking forward to: My husband coming home so he can be here for her birth (if he makes it)

Milestone: Making it to 30 weeks and knowing if she was born today, she is a decent size. I am sure she will have problems but she's strong. (she better hold out 9 weeks!)

25 weeks

Oh my I have been shopping like mad!! My husband has banned me from buying anymore baby clothes. They are just so damn cute I can't help it! On a downer, Tim is getting ready to leave in a couple of weeks which means I will be alone at home until he returns after the baby is born. It is scary to think that I have to go through labor and recovery alone. I have been through worse so I know I can do it.

On a brighter note, my little girl is moving around like crazy! She has a little personality already its amazing! I am so in love with this little person and I haven't even met her yet.


How far along: 25 weeks and 2 days

Total weight gain: Still only 1 pound gained but that flucuates depending on the day. I am either same weight or a pound or two heavier. I can't complain.

How much does baby weigh: As of 2 weeks ago she weighed in at 1 pound and 12 ounces according to my ultrasound.

Maternity clothes: I am full on into maternity clothes, I have quite the bump going on. I was fluffy before getting PG so I am sure that has something to do with it.

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: Its difficult to sleep since she is getting so big.

Best moment this week: Feeling her kick when my husband talks to her.

Movement: She is very active, She loves rootbeer and salad!

Food cravings: Salads and guacamole

Belly button in or out: Its pretty much flat.

What I miss: Being able to bend over.

What I'm looking forward to: Finishing everything we need to be ready for her.

Milestone: Knowing that she is growing perfectly and is healthy.

Our Girl

Over Half way there!!

SO many things going on in the past month since I updated. I started my injection therapy which has made morning sickness rear its ugly head once again. However, now I am used to it and know how to handle it. Its just better to stop what I am doing and throw up already. It just makes me feel better.

We have gotten a lot done as far as baby shopping is concerned. Crib,carseat, stroller, pack n play, bouncy seat, bedding. All that is left for the big stuff is a high chair and swing so I will probably go get that next weekend. I have done a ridiculous amount of clothes shopping for her. She literally has clothes up to the size 4t and shoes. I cant resist!! I got her a baby pair of uggs! My living room is a mess, you can barely walk in it. My fireplace is nonexistant due to the large number of rubbermaid totes in front of it.

Tim is leaving in a few weeks so I have limited time to get everything prepared and put together before he goes since he won't be back until after she is born. I am still waiting on her crib to get here so hopefully in the next 3 weeks before he leaves.

We go to the hospital every friday so I know how to get there in case I have to go alone in the middle of the night or something. I know its really early but I am going to load up the back of my SUV with my hospital bag and the babies bag probably in the next couple of weeks. The only reason is what if I am at work or out and my water breaks or something. I dont have anyone here to get what I need so I have to have it all with me at all times. I am going to go to the firestation to have them put in her carseat next month to be prepared. I am so nervous to have her on my own I just need to have everything ready early.

How far along: 22weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: I have finally gained weight, I am up 1 pound~

How much does baby weigh: as of tuesday she weighed in at 1 pound and 4 ozs, she is a big girl already!!

Maternity clothes: I am full on into maternity clothes, I have quite the bump going on. I was fluffy before getting PG so I am sure that has something to do with it.

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: Its getting harder and harder to sleep at night, Heartburn and just being uncomfortable

Best moment this week: Seeing her on ultrasound again and seeing her grow and watch her play in there. She is so precious already!!

Movement: She is very active, She loves cheese haha and salads!

Food cravings: Rootbeer and cheese! Oh and salads omg I want them breakfast lunch and dinner

Belly button in or out: Half and half, its almost flat

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly.

What I'm looking forward to: Finishing everything we need to be ready for her.

Milestone: Knowing that she is growing perfectly and is healthy.

Appointment with Perinatologist at 20w

We went on Thursday for our high risk visit. I was so nervous not knowing what would be wrong with our daughter or myself. Everything was perfect!! She is wonderful and healthy and growing just wonderfully! She was even sucking her thumb it was so cute and we have a picture of her laying back with her hands behind her head just like her daddy does!! Tim thought that was very cute! She was grabbing her feet and tugging on her cord. She was sooo not shy about showing her goods again, so deffffff a girl!!

We have a cute pictures but I have yet to figure out how to upload them on here. I did a couple times but I have no idea how I did that. IF anyone can tell me how then I will add them.

Pregnancy is going well so far, no more vomitting except in the morning which I can deal with. I still have't gained any weight but I assure you that I will be soon and rapidly making up for lost time. I have such a huge bump, it look much farther along than 20 weeks.

I cant even believe that I am 20w along already, its just going by so fast and part of me just wants to keep her in there forever! All to myself with her little kicks and rolling around!

We are finally getting prepared for her now knowing that she will actually be a part of our home. I cant believe we are having a baby!!!

Wow Its been a long time

It has come to my attention that I have not updated for quite some time. I cant believe its been over a month. Honestly, I forgot about the blog since I have been so busy. This is for you BN.

Lets see, a lot has happened, we found out that we are having a GIRL!!!!! Her name is Fallon Rose. WE are beyond thrilled to be having a daughter! My Morning sickness is Finally going away. Its finally starting to sink in that we are having a baby after all these years. She moves now, not all the time but usually after I eat she starts wiggling up a storm. Tim is totally in love with the idea of having a little girl to pamper and treat like a princess. I am still working but looks like I will start to slow down a bit because of swelling in my legs which is no biggie. I will probably just see patients in the morning and desk work in the afternoon.

We are still a go for our move to NY in January. I am excited but sad that I cant set up a nursery until After Fallon is born. However, it gives me something to do until I find a new job in NY. I may just take a job as a RN in a hospital, less hours and I can work just 3 twelve hour shifts a week and be home with my daughter the rest. We will see when the time comes.

How far along: 18 weeks and 5 days

Total weight gain: I still havent gained any weight besides a few pounds back from what I lost in the beginning.

How much does baby weigh: about 5-6 ozs

Maternity clothes: I am full on into maternity clothes, I have quite the bump going on. I was fluffy before getting PG so I am sure that has something to do with it.

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: I take a nap during the day and I am in bed by 9pm.

Best moment this week: Starting to buy things we need for our baby

Movement: Here and there, once in a blue moon a kick but mostly little wiggles here and there.

Food cravings: veggie party platters, yes the WHOLE platter haha!!

Belly button in or out: Obviously still an innie

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly.

What I'm looking forward to: WHen she is born!!

Milestone: Making it this far and finding out we are having a daughter!!

I made it!! I made it to the Second Trimester!!

How far along: 13 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: I have gained back 4 now so I am still down 8 pounds

How much does baby weigh: Just a little under an ounce.

Maternity clothes: I now have a little bump and cant button my pants, so I actually do need maternity pants (I could use the bella band but I dont like it)

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: I take a nap during the day and I am in bed by 9pm.

Best moment this week: Making it to the 2nd tri

Movement: None besides gas bubbles

Food cravings: Pickles! ALl I want is salty food. Oh and crabs with butter and I dont even eat crabs

Belly button in or out: Obviously still an innie

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly.

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out what we are having so I can call the baby by name!

Milestone: Making it this far, its the farthest I have gone without m/c

Holy shiznit! I am 12 weeks!!!!!

YES! I Made it to 12 weeks! I am so in disbelief that this is really going to happen. My OB called me today and said, well we got your blood work in and all of your scans together and....It looks like this baby is going to hang around for another 20 plus weeks! I laughed and cried at the same time. He is so great, I am so lucky to have an OB like him who really cares that this is finally happening for us!

Things seem to be getting better, I am less tired and cranky haha. I am no longer bleeding! WOWOHOOO and I am no longer vomitting 10 times a day. I am down to just first thing in the morning and then nausea all day but I can handle that!!! I am finally getting a little bump and my husband loves kissing it and talking to it!

I am so nervous now because I actually have to start planning for a baby!!!

How far along: 12 weeks and 1 day

Total weight gain: I lost about 12 pounds but so far I have gained 2 back, so I am down to losing 10 pounds.

How much does baby weigh: I believe a little more than half an ounce

Maternity clothes: I now have a little bump and cant button my pants, so I actually do need maternity pants (I could use the bella band but I dont like it)

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: I take a nap during the day and I am in bed by 9pm.

Best moment this week: Making it to 12 weeks!!

Movement: None besides gas bubbles

Food cravings: Oranges!! I must eat like 5 a day!

Belly button in or out: Obviously still an innie

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly.

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out what we are having so I can call the baby by name!

Milestone: Making it this far, its the farthest I have gone without m/c

The newest picture of our little butter bean!!

Well, I am diggin these weekly ultrasounds. Usually they dont let me see for more than a second because they want to measure and see if anything is wrong but today I got to watch it all and they even gave me a picture.

I had a really scarey episode last night with tons of bright red bleeding and cramping. My Ob had me come in early this morning to get checked out. The baby was measuring one day ahead of schedule so he/she is doing perfect. A strong heartbeat of 168, it was a beautiful sound. However the Subchorionic Hemorrhage is still actively bleeding so that means I get to stay on bedrest still! Ugh but its worth it.

I go back on friday to check things out and do my formal long visit with the OB. I wasnt going to do the NT Scan but my OB really wants me to do it, in light of everything going on. SO I decided to do it but I do not want to know the results because regardless this is our baby and nothing will change that.

I am still guarded in regards to this pregnancy, I know I have had 4 beautiful ultrasounds and the odds of losing this pregnancy is so small, less than 5% right now but I will not feel safe until I have this baby in my arms.

My intuition is telling me this baby is boy. I dont know why but I keep thinking boy, so we will see in the End of June what we are having.

10 weeks 3 days..I cant believe I have made it this far.

How far along: 10 weeks and 3 days.

Total weight gain: I have lost about 7-10 pounds depending on the day.

How much does baby weigh: I think about half an ounce.

Maternity clothes: I am wearing maternity pants for sheer comfort, not out of necessity.

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: I take a nap during the day and I am in bed by 9pm.

Best moment this week: Getting to see our baby again, with his/her little arms moving.

Movement: None besides gas bubbles

Food cravings: Watermelon, potato salad

Belly button in or out: Obviously still an innie

What I miss: Still Sweet Tea and being able to stay up late at night.

What I'm looking forward to: Bedrest to be over.

Milestone: Making it this far, its the farthest I have gone without m/s

This baby is making me work really hard for it....

As if I didn't work hard enough or wait long enough. I have been having terrible bouts of hyperemesis (excessive vomitting) which is a good sign because that means hormones are raging! However after a couple days of this, I got so dehydrated that when I went to vomit there was nothing left and the force of it ended up with the blood vessels in my eyes and around my face rupturing. I look fantastic!!

I started spotting yesterday morning, ever so slighly but my OB sent me to the ER for IV hydration and to get an ultrasound.

After 16 hours there, IVs, Blood work, U/s and MRI they have determined that I have a hemorrhage in the placenta. This would be the reason for the spotting. Its a small hemorrhage and they are optimistic that it will clear on its own but until then I am ordered to bedrest, pelvic rest (poor Tim) and weekly ultrasounds to monitor the baby and the hemorrhage.

It sucks but Its all worth it in the end and I would do anything to have this baby even if that means laying flat on my back for 9 months. I am okay with that if I need to. The good part is that I get to see the baby every friday!! That alone even with the hemorrhage will give me peace of mind just seeing that the baby is thriving!

As far as the ultrasound goes the baby is measuring about 6 days behind what it should be however the attribute that to Tech Error or the fact that I have a retroverted uterus which can sometimes make it hard to see the baby correctly this early. However, the heartbeat was stellar at a whopping 176 bpm! I didnt get to see the baby on u/s last night because if there is a threat of a miscarriage they wont let you look but my husband got to watch and he said he could see the little arms, legs and the heart beating! So thats good news

Update time.

I will try to post an update once a month. If I can remember! So to help, I stole this from a fellow blogger. Thanks for sharing.



How far along: 8 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: I have actually lost a few pounds thanks to m/s!

How much does baby weigh: I have no idea

Maternity clothes: Nothing but a bella band and maybe some big girl underpants since my smaller ones really are starting to hurt and restrict my belly bloat

Stretch marks: I have them already from my first pregnancy (loss)

Sleep: I am up twice a night to pee but I have been going to bed very early

Best moment this week: Hmm lets see, learning how to hold my vomit long enough to make it to the bathroom at work instead of throwing up on my own shoes again.

Movement: None besides gas bubbles

Food cravings: Spicy asian lettuce wraps

Belly button in or out: Obviously still an innie

What I miss: Sweet Tea and sleeping on my stomach, If I roll over on it, I barf (yes I have vomitted on my pillow, not fun in the middle of the night)

What I'm looking forward to: Everything, all the m/s, the gas. the bloat, the fatigue you name it!! It all means that I am pregnant! I will take it all happily.

Milestone: Making it to 8 weeks, which in the past was my failure point.

My Miracle is in the works finally!!

Well, I didnt want to get too attached to the idea that we were going to have a baby. Everytime we made it to our ultrasound date there was never a heart beat and that was the end of it.

So going into today's appointment I couldnt even look at the ultrasound screen. Tim was sitting there looking at the wall holding his breath but then the tech turned up the volume and we could hear the heartbeat. I instantly starting crying like a little girl, Tim leaned over and looked at the screen in awe that He couldnt believe what we were hearing and seeing! I looked over and saw our baby!! The heart flickering so quickly and I measured exactly 7w2d as my chart suggested. The doctor said that was a great sign of things progessing beautifully. There were no signs of clots in the placenta or yolk sac as in other lost pregnancies. The doctor feels that this is going to be the one! I have to continue all of my medication just to be safe but other than that, nothing special.

We feel so truly blessed!!

Thank you...

First I wanted to say thank you to all of you ladies. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for all your well wishes and comments. Tim and I are truly blessed.

We had our first appointment today because I will be monitored very closely. My 14dpo Beta was 111 which the doc says is great. I had another beta and progesterone done today at 15dpo but wont get the results until monday. I started my progesterone injections today, I may not have to stay on them but my Doc wanted to start just in case until my blood work comes back. He said either way you cant have too much progesterone right now. He decided to increase my Synthroid from 125 to 137mcg because he wants my thyroid a little higher active to reduce risk of miscarriage, Also staying on the metformin through at least the first tri because that also reduces risk of miscarriage.

Our first U/s is April 17th!! We are so excited I cant wait. My next one will be May 15th and then again June 19th. I have the first tri all scheduled. In July or August I will have to have a NTS or NST (whichever its called) and if everything is okay then I wont need another u/s until its time to check weight etc towards the end of my pregnancy.

My husband and I are finally let it sink in now that we saw the beta in writting and its really happening!!

Thank you for all the support! I couldnt have made it through all this without all of you!

HOLY SHIIITTT!!!!

I freaking got my BFP yesterday I am in so much shock its insane!! I cant believe it. I mean I just posted how I KNOW that this cycle was a bust and I was out of the game. LOOK wow, I am at a loss for words. My husband seriously has some great swimmers to last as long as they did!!

We are in shock, thats all I can say!! I had my Beta done today at work. I will get that back tomorrow! I have my first OB appointment tomorrow to start my progesterone supplements. I dont think it will seem real until I see that Beta in my hand!!







I will post more tomorrow after my appointment, right now I am speechless!!

TTC sucks!

Ughh I missed my O this month thanks to a broken heel. It sucks, I hate that there is no chance for this cycle. Next cycle my husband has to go away to a Best of the Best competition for the Army. He won his portion so he has orders to go and he can not miss it. Well, normally I would go with him but its Spring break week here and half my office is going to be out so I have to be at work. He is going the week that I am due to O. Which sucks so it means I have to wait to TTC again until MAY!!!!!!!!! That sucks!! But May I think would give us a february baby which is my birthday month, my mom and dads Bday month too! So I still am optimistic. I just hate waiting! I am so anxious to see what happens!

Oh well, at least I dont have to feel the pressure of the 2ww.

The Season of Change

WOW Where do I begin!! This was my first Full cycle on all my new IF treatments and I have seen so many changes that I am excited about.

I had a FULL day of EWCM, I rarely EVER have more than a spot of it. My last LP was a whole 4 and a half days longer than it has ever been! I have been having mid cycle spotting right around O... I also had a HUGELY positive OPK yesterday!! These are all exciting things for me because I have had such a tough time with all of these things.

I am so excited and so optimistic about all these changes. Even though I know that I will not get my BFP this month due to poor timing (long story)..I know that it may just happen this year!! I am determined to have a 2010 baby!!

So on to the bad timing...I broke my heel (no, not my shoe but my actual heel of my foot)..The doc says its a stress fracture but I cant put any pressure or weight on my heal for 6 weeks. Which means I am in a huge boot ughhh....Which means last night when I had my OPK, we did not have the opportunity to get it on! Thanks to the foot and the doc and the long journey home since there is no point staying away when I cant do anything fun!

However, I will chalk this cycle up to practice for an amazing cycle next month that awaits me!

Still trucking along!!

Well I am just heading into my very first Ovulation cycle with the full dose of all my meds. I am still trying to get used to such a high dose of Metformin but otherwise I am doing okay.

As far as all the new thyroid meds go, I have noticed that I am not coming home from work and taking a nap everyday like I used to, so I guess it is working much better than previously. I am excited to see what this cycle brings.

Just the couple weeks that I had been the on the new medications, I had a noted 4 and a half day increase in my LP, which is so freaking amazing because I RARELY hit 11 days. So to get AF on the night of LP day 14 going into 15 was amazing!! Its a great sign of things to come.

I still want to be a little guarded about getting my hopes up however I cant help but feel optimistic somehow. Dh is just going with the flow because he loves me but also is at the point where if it just doesnt happen then he is content with a life of just the two of us.

Well for this week, its been nice. I have only had patients two days this week so that I can get my charting and pathology done before the AAD.

I cant wait to have time alone with my husband!!! Stress free time.

back in the saddle

Well I am in the 2 week wait again but really not waiting because we didnt ttc this month. Well we did have "unprotected sex" but not with the intention of getting pregnant. I am on my new meds, I am just starting the 3rd week of it so I am waiting for AF to show in order for us to re-start the whole ttc thing again for a few short months. I am giving it a time frame because I am tired of all the false hopes and disappointment.

Its funny that its the 2WW because really for me its a 10 day wait. MY Luteal phase is short so I almost always get AF by 10DPO. I am on day 5 now so I should have AF by friday so we are officially on our new start saturday.

The good thing, I wont have my period for my friends wedding because that would really suck, in a light colored dress worrying about it.

So, heres to AF showing up early so I can get it over with and start a new cycle.

Wish me luck, I hope it really happens for us. If not then we will just settle into our life as just the two of us, since we now know that we wont be having children whether it be biological or adopted.

Ahh what a weekend so far

Well Tim and I had to replace my computer this weekend which really sucks because I hate spending money. I would prefer to save it for our future child. But nonetheless I love it, its cute, its thin and its pink!! Which pink is pimp in my eyes, its my fav color.

We went to California Dreaming for dinner tonight for my birthday date night since we are both working on Monday when its my actual birthday and I dont want to work all day and then go out at night, I just want to chill at home and cook a nice meal for the 2 of us.

Thank god, last week something in my head told me to store all of my 1000s of photos from my old computer onto a flashdrive. I would have lost them all if I didnt. I suck at digi pics, I always just upload them to my computer and then leave them there.

So tomorrow, I am cooking our "sunday" dinner and we are going to chill at home and do a little rearranging of furniture. I like relaxing weekends.

I cant believe I am going to be 32 on Monday and I am still not pregnant. Oh well, I have my health right??

decisions decisions decisions.

Tim and I are throughly enjoying our ceasing of the TTC business. For the first time in almost a decade I am relaxed and content with the way things are going in our life. We are "dating", enjoying each others company, just hanging out and doing nothing but love each other. There is no longer this intense need to have sex all the time in an effort to make a baby. Instead we actually have not had sex since before christmas and ya know what??? we actually don't mind it.

I could just lay with my husband and kiss him for hours. I enjoy just rebonding with each other, seeking out the origional reason we got married. To spend our lives together, we married each other because we as a couple did not want to live apart. I mean a baby would have been an amazing addition but that is not the reason we got married, it is just an added bonus. So instead of focusing our marriage around babies, we are refocusing our marriage around us, the central unit.

The stress is off our shoulders, things dont seem so forced anymore. After the pregnancy losses we have had in the past, its good for us to remember the good times we had before all of this started. No more heartache (it still hurts to have lost a child but the daily torture of Am I Pregnant? is gone)..

Just when things seem to be progressing and our family turning a positive corner, I get thrown a wrench into the middle again. My new doctor thinks they have unmasked my fertility issues. A simple diagnosis coupled with my horrible thyroid problems could be fixed and quickly. My thyroid was damaged from all the medications and radiation I was given years back. So I had to have it radiated in order to stop all of the symptoms I was getting from it. So I am forced to take daily medication (like many others in this world) to supplement my thyroid. Here I thought it was as simple as that.

When your thyroid level is higher than 1.5 to 2 it lowers considerably the ability for an embryo to attach to your uterus. My levels are 6.47 and that is on medication. So they have changed my meds because I need to have them adjusted often in order to fight off weight gain and fatigue.

Now add that with the fact that they think I am insulin resistant which can cease ovulation or at least the ovulation of viable eggs. So today, I had another test to see if that is the case. I failed my fasting glucose test last week so I had to have a 2 hour glucose tolerance test today (torture). If I fail this test then they will add Actos to the metformin that I used to take (was given to help ovulation in the past during IF treatments). So I will have to go back on Metformin plus Actos this time. I will find out the results tomorrow for that.

So the decision is, do I restart all of this ttc drama in my life or just say FUCK IT and go on with our plans to adopt someday. My husband wants to try to have a biological child if the new RE is optimistic that with the proper treatments, I can actually get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy this time (thanks to my trusty aspirin a day for clotting, the diagnosis for the fatal demise of previous pregnancies).

I dont know if emotionally I can go through all of this again. Its going to be hard but I dont want to regret in the future all of the what ifs , if I dont try. So I made me decision. I will take the meds for one month. If my body is doing okay on them all then I will continue with the medication and use the if I happens, It happens method for 3 months. If I do not get pregnant then I will go back to charting cm, charting Sex, charting CP etc to gauge when I am ovulating and the probability of pregnancy. Right now I just temp because I like to see the temp drop to know when AF is showing, so that there are no surprises in my life. I dont look for cross hairs, If I get them, I do not analyze them. If at the end of 6 months, I am not pregnant then I am done trying. I am going to be 32 next week and I need to come to the realization that it has not happened yet after all these years, its not going to happen and just move on.

I really just dont want to jump into all these false hopes and fantasies only to be slammed back to reality at the end of 6 months. My husband wants to try and I do want to get pregnant but I am being realistic about it, but for my husband I think he deserves this one last chance at it considering he has been through everything with me and never ever faltered in his support of me.

So wish me luck.

Holy Crap its been a long time.

WOw, Its been almost a month since I blogged last. So much has been going on here at the H household. Lets see, we stopped TTC (well actively TTC, we arent avoiding). We went home to RI for a couple weeks and had a great time I will have to post pics in blog as soon as I learn how. Work is the same old same old crap, love it but stresses me out. My furbaby had surgery this week but she is finally getting back to her old self. Adoption seems like its going to be our only option which is okay and DH and I have decided on China for our international adoption, when it happens.

My New years resolution this year is interesting lets see if I can do it. I vow to get in better shape and run more. I would seriously like to take off 20 pounds that decided to slap me in my ass when I started all my hormone treatments. Now that I am off everything, hopefully it will let the weight come off.

I also decided to learn how to knit/crochet. I have always wanted to learn. Its something my grandmother did and I loved it and My mom quilts which I just dont have the time for. So I figured I can knit at work on lunch breaks to destress etc. I signed up for and already paid for beginners workshops in town here, so since I paid I already I am more likely to actually go do it.

My husband and I are going on a marriage retreat next weekend. Its a good idea, we have put so much emphasis on baby baby baby...that we kind of lost a little of what really made us fall in love and want a family together so we are going to rekindle a little romance. We are going with 4 other couples we are close with so its going ot be a nice experience. Its in Gaitlinberg, TN which is a beautiful area. Im looking forward to some quiet noncommercial spousal time.

Otherwise, I am excited to see so many women on GP get their BFPs and I hope this year brings many many more especially for those trying a long time.