Days like this make me sad.

Days like today, Crisp fall sundays at home make me sad. We take the dog for a nice walk, sit at home to yummy homecooked meals and enjoy each others company on the sofa while watching great movies while watching our little furbaby play with her toys on the floor. All the while I sit there wondering what life would be life if we had a little baby playing on the floor with his/her toys. Someone else in the house to share our life with. I love my husband don't get me wrong but it feels like something is missing in our life and he feels it too. I think that after all we have been through with his deployments and my cancer that is time for us to be blessed with a family. Sometimes its so hard thinking that I am wasting his life on me. He wants a family just as much as I do but I know he can have a family with anyone, its just myself that can not. I feel like I am holding him back and he is nothing less than the sweetest man I know by always reassuring me that if we do not ever have a baby thats fine with him as long as we are together and he can chase me around the nursing home some day. But still, sigh, I want to give him the world not just a little peice of it. For years we have tried and well frankly we are running out of money still trying for this pipe dream of ours. Endless IVF, FET, hormone replacement, tests you name it. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel. Hopefully it will happen soon because I do not foresee us being able to try much longer.